My reply . . @ 2:04 PM
I stared at the name in my inbox, hesitated for a moment and took a deep breath before i mustered the courage to open it - an unexpected email from him.
I read and re-read the email a total of 3 times. 3 different sentiments washed over me: -
The first time - my heart took a plunge into my stomach once again as i skim from word to word trying to find out the purpose of this email.
Second time - re-read the email slowly, deciphering word by word, hoping to search for that 'feeling' or was it sincerity? None found.
Third time - No more emotions. Just a painful realization : It's all too late..
I did not reply because i felt there wasn't a need to. But inevitably, an unspoken response was weaved in my heart as i read on...........
Every scattered promise you made and fragment of our future you painted for the past 3 yrs, i picked it up along the way and locked it in my heart, hoping it will be fulfilled someday.
Every word of love we exchanged each night and the love rituals we shared, it kept my heart warm and glowing as i believed they were all true. .
After that night, i did sit down alone and ask myself before: what exactly does this 3 yrs of r/s still mean to me? Is it still worth a 2nd chance?
In hope to find the answer i want, i bared the spot in my heart where i kept all our hopes, happiness and promises gathered over the yrs, trying to reminisce happier times. (something you taught me before.)
Alas, i found that the hopes and promises i registered in have now evolved into nothing but lies, hollow promises and self-delusional happiness. . . From then on, i probably know the reason to look back is Zilch.
Yes, you may feel the heartache now after knowing you've hurt me deep. But believe me, it's only a fraction of the wrench and anguish you put me through.
You know i did try so hard to restrict you in so many ways before, for fear that i will lose you in this way. But much as i tried, the only thing i cant control is your heart and mind - that is exactly where you betrayed me. 心灵上的背叛，也是一种背叛。。
I felt helpless. I can only recognise it as my own failure for not being able to touch and capture you wholly. Therefore, i give up.
Just how many times do you need to promise you will give me your all before you really do?
How many times do i need to tell you : i've put in so much in this r/s, so much so that if i still fail i wont have the courage to love again, before you understand i really mean it?
We've had too many '2nd chance's and 'last time's in our r/s before. We should have known that eventually, the last chance will come and once missed, there will be no more 'next time'.
We've pushed our luck too far and this time, we've finally run out of 'another chance'.
What you say no longer means anything to me anymore. I dont even know which is real.
What's the point of regretting only after you've lost everything? 难道得不到的才是最美的？
When photos become pieces of meaningless papers . . memories become vague flashbacks . .
i can only say ： 有些感觉错过了就再也找不回。。
P.s : I did read the email before rejecting you in FB. Knowing u, I do not want to leave behind any memory or hope to be the cause of any unhappiness in ur next r/s.
Therefore, i choose not to be linked to u in anyway.
