Darling has got to work late today so i got plenty of time to spend by myself. Having no one to fetch me from work, i had to rush to finish my work on time so i could catch our company transport to leave the ulu working place im in.
Luckily i had Nel for company today. She was once my best shopping khakiz but now, with her current physical state, it's hard to have her with me on one of those shopping marathon again. Over dinner, we chatted on the topic that is currently hot favourite in my age group circle - pregnancy.
It is hard cold fact that friends of my age are mostly happily married and moving on to the next stage of their life by now. But me? Other than the occasional reminders from my bio-clock that i should be following suit, im perfectly happy with being single, But, unavailable of course. I enjoy spending 二人世界with Darling, leading a carefree life doing things we enjoy like travelling as often as we can, diving at different islands / countries and explore other activities that we may pick up together.
One by one, i witness my best friends getting married and giving birth. It always touches me to see them walking down the red aisle, hand in hand with the love of their life. The blissful look they exude and tears of joy they shed, makes me long for the day when i could experience it for myself with the one i finally entrust my happiness with.
But watching them through the process of giving birth to the parenting stage on other hand, have caused an adverse effect on me. The amount of sacrifices they have to make in the process of pregnancy like poor complexion, weight gain, mood swings, morning sickness, and the greater responsibilities that followed after giving birth makes it seem all too much for me to take.
5yrs ago, I used to think i like kids and even hoped to be a young mommy. But 5 yrs later, i know i actually meant i like playing with other people's babies and toddlers but im definitely not ready to be a Mum yet! Luckily i already have 2 precious godsons - Draven and Elson for me to shower my love on and learn how difficult parenting can be. It is also through them that i realized im still not ready because each time they cry for too long, it makes me feel so helpless and vexed that i wanna run away from them.! I really admire how Angeline can juggle them both at the same time....
Enough thoughts for today.. off to catch my slp and be ready for a long day at work tomorrow.
Collage of Valentines' Day pics:
Labels: love.babies
